sortablonde

2005-10-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

SortaBlonde has made the switch to TypePad.

2005-09-12T15:18:00.000-05:00

You know, I think I could really love Kirstie Alley, if not for that pesky Scientology stuff. But I just can't take someone who practices a pseudo-religion seriously. (YES, THAT MEANS I THINK YOUR RELIGION IS FAKE, PYSCHO TOM CRUISE!!).

But anyway. I am feeling crampy-ISH, pimply, and maybe a teeny bit bitchy. But just a teeny bit. Can it be that my period is on the way? If so, my dear husband needs to rest up--we will be getting serious about getting pregnant shortly thereafter!

2005-09-12T11:55:00.000-05:00

Can we say, RODE HARD AND PUT UP WET????

That is my only comment. What else can you say to a pic like this?

2005-09-09T10:07:00.000-05:00

I will readily admit that I have always thought Jessica Simpson has a SMOKIN' bod. And she seems almost sweet, in a vapid way.

Now, Ashlee?!! Not very attractive, not the least bit talented. We wouldn't have to hear from her if it wasn't for her sister and her scarily over-involved Pop.

But lately, I just have to say I don't think either of them is actually that pretty in the face. In fact, I would say Ashlee is downright ugly and Jessica is just OK. I guess the implants and spray tan make up for it.

2005-09-08T14:05:00.000-05:00

Star Jones will be hosting the E! Show "Live from the Red Carpet!" for the Prime Time Emmys this year. I don't get it. MAYBE they are DELIBERATELY trying to make it more fun for the kids at home. This way, we can make fun of actors and actresses with bad outfits AND our hostess with the mostest? (And probably with a couple of Hostess cupcakes in her handbag)

2005-09-08T09:16:00.000-05:00

She may be preachy from time to time, but Gwyneth and her daughter Apple? SO CUTE! Let's see more pics of the Chris Martin family and less pics of skanky Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt, oh-kayyyyy?? Seriously, how nauseating is it that her son, Maddox, is calling him Daddy? BLEH.

Anyway, this pic makes me feel complete NYC withdrawal. I think I need to visit this Spring at the absolute latest.

2005-09-07T10:25:00.000-05:00

Hilary Duff is now anorexic, J-Lo may be preggers, Gilligan is dead.... this is what is happening in the online celebrity world. I think it is progress that I don't want to gouge J-Lo's eyes out in a jealous rage. I think it is... nice. Well, at least nicer than Britney procreating. But don't even get me started on that one.

Actually, this rash of anorexic starlets is intriguing. How do these women find the strength to not eat? Or is it (more likely) a result of all the blow caked on the nostrils? Questions, questions.

2005-09-06T14:27:00.000-05:00

My period (or "AF" to people on the TTC bulletin boards) should start sometime next week (hard to say, since it had been coming every couple of weeks). And then, I presume, I will get back on the baby-making bandwagon. It makes me feel happy and scared at the same time. What if something bad happens again? BLEH.

The upside is that when it happens I can stop feeling guilty about not using the two forms of BC recommended by my OB... Or even one, sometimes. It is *REALLY* hard to use condoms again, people! Especially after a couple of adult beverages....

2005-09-02T16:09:00.000-05:00

Offering $250,000 to Hurricane Katrina victims... Way to go, girl! You will not be added to my list of Hollywood Skanks ANYTIME in the near future.

2005-09-02T09:57:00.000-05:00

Sortablonde stopped and wrote a check to the Central Texas American Red Cross on her way in to work this morning, and she hopes that everyone will make similar donations to the Red Cross and other reputable organizations to help these people. The situation is really bad for the hurricane victims (understatement of the century, I know), and other than prayers, money is what they need the most. Well, money and some effective leadership, but that is for someone in a more politically-minded blog to discuss...

2005-08-31T15:48:00.000-05:00

I am trying, somewhat desparately, to teach myself HTML. Lord knows why. I guess I think that it *might* come in handy at some point. On verra. The real question is, will I ever be able to change the design of my blog to something designed (poorly, I might add) by little old moi? Again, we shall see.

In other news, I am staying home by myself tonight. This is NOT earth-shaking, Hurricane Katrina-news, except for the fact that my parents have invited me to dinner tonight, and I cannot stand the thought of eating at their house. NOT because I don't love my parents, but because my cousins from small-town Texas are visiting, and their ability to procreate is almost rabbit-level. I shit you not. Anyway, I just can't face them. YET. Maybe once I have popped out a couple of rugrats myself.

2005-08-29T08:09:00.000-05:00

They have snarked Kevin Federline! They have snarked Kevin Federline! I am laughing my (fat) ass off. I beg you to check out www.snarkywood.com this week! FABULOUS.

2005-08-29T08:05:00.000-05:00

Who was on the cover of People this week???? Why, Angelina Jolie of course! So, I bought Fitness instead. Let's hope this inspires SOMETHING, like some weight loss. I am (a) chunkier than I have ever been, and (b) my face is more broken out than it has been in a LONG time. I have a salycylic (sp???) peel booked next Tuesday to help the skin situation, so I need to do something about my fat ass.

2005-08-26T08:16:00.000-05:00

good news... My hcg level was at 4 Wednesday, so I do not have to go back to my OB/Gyn for any more blood tests! At least not for a while. Visiting an OB's office a lot is a special kind of hell when you are in my shoes... Pregnant women PACK the waiting room, and the only magazines are ones like Parenting, Fit Pregnancy, etc. You get the picture. And it is NOT pretty.

2005-08-25T09:34:00.000-05:00

LIST OF CELEBRITY SKANKS:
Britney Spears (Swamp Trash Skank)
Lindsey Lohan (Anorexic Skank)
Tara Reid (Party Girl Skank)
Paris Hilton (Filthy Rich Skank)
Courtney Love (Major Druggie Skank)
Kevin Federline (Gold Digger Skank)
Eva Longoria (I love Vibrators Skank)

2005-08-23T09:48:00.000-05:00

Argghhhhh.... Most....disturbing...album cover... ever...

2005-08-23T08:27:00.000-05:00

sortaBlonde has been in mourning since the Season Finale of Six Feet Under. Crying for 30 minutes about the end of a television show Sunday night (and then again for about 5 minutes Monday morning) is probably not the MOST healthy thing she has ever done, but there you go. It is possible that Aunt Flo is here once again, or an Aunt Flo-like occurence. After the shot of metho, this happens about once a week, so who the hell knows.

sortaBlonde was unable to purchase People magazine this week at the grocery store, which she shamelessly reads religiously. Britney Spears and her trashy baby shower were on the cover. Now you may think she is just a *teensy* bit bitter, but she also has rules against buying this dishy celebrity rag if Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes, Brad Pitt, or Angelina Jolie grace the cover. What can I tell you? I love Jennifer Aniston and despise all the fake religions (such as Kabbalah and Scientology).

2005-08-18T10:21:00.000-05:00

Paris Hilton is apparently wearing a red wig and prosthetic nose to avoid being mobbed when she goes out.

That's hot.

Anywho, can someone remind me me why this woman is so famous? I can't remember.

2005-08-17T10:44:00.000-05:00

According to published reports, our favorite pop singer is expecting a little boy. A mini-Kevin! What could be sweeter????

Actually, a lot. But anyway. I find it rather disgusting and frustrating that swamp trash like Britney and her "lovely" specimen of a husband are able to procreate so easily. Does anyone think SortaBlonde might be a bit BITTER???

It could be worse, I suppose. She could be having a girl.

2005-08-17T10:30:00.000-05:00

Good news from the doctor yesterday... Hcg levels are getting closer to normal. Just a couple more blood tests, a couple more months, and we should be back in business!

2005-08-16T11:35:00.000-05:00

As SortaBlonde is recovering from yet another blood test, she is also hiding out on Instant Messenger, in Invisible mode. Why is she hiding out, you ask? Well, a nameless friend from another part Texas is driving her nuts. Here are a couple of things one should NOT bring up, unless asked, to a friend who has suffered a miscarriage/loss or is suffering from infertility, in SortaBlonde's (always) humble opinion:

1. Your baby, your sister's baby, or ANYONE's baby.
2. Your pregnancy, your sister's pregnancy, or ANYONE's pregnancy.

DO we see a pattern here? In any case, this is why I am avoiding her. I am about to go ape-shit crazy on her ass if she talks to me about anything resembling that. This is someone who HAD a miscarriage, although a really early one, at just over 4 weeks. In other words, BITCH.

2005-08-15T09:30:00.000-05:00

As sortaBlonde gradually tries to recover from her usual Monday morning crankiness, nursing a cup of peppermint tea (still trying to avoid caffeine, malheureusement), she reads that Demi Moore says (in an interview on people.com) a good night with Ashton Kutcher is spent "sharing a bath with one another and watching Court TV. Snuggling up naked."

Altogether now, EWWWWWWW! It is way too early in the morning to read sh*# like that.

2005-08-12T11:19:00.000-05:00

It is Friday again... Woo hoo! My main objective this weekend is to NOT wallow in self-pity. Hopefully, I can drag my happy little butt out of my cozy little house at some point.

NEWS FLASH!!! Courtney Love has tested positive for consumption of a controlled substance. Courtney, hon, I really thought you had kicked that pesky drug habit this time. Oh well. Best of luck to you, and that LUCKY daughter of yours! I am sure she is destined for a normal, drug-free existence with you as her mother!

2005-08-11T12:41:00.000-05:00

While I am still feeling ESPECIALLY witchy (the shots of the methotrexate were just two days ago, after all), I would like to *OFFICIALLY* go on the record as saying that I have been disgusted with Tom Cruise for more years than I can remember, long before this Katie Holmes/Scientology-Freak-who-hates-tasty-meds business. I realize this is slightly out of date, but I really need to get it out of my system.

Anywho, he made me uncomfortable during my formative years, but I always gave him the benefit of a doubt, telling myself that Top Gun is sort of mildly entertaining. My big break, if you will, with Tom was Jerry Maguire, a movie everyone else seemed to love that I absolutely HATED ("you had me at hello"??? Are you kidding me???). That is when I decided that Tom is a self-absorbed prick who basically plays the same role (himself) in every movie that he makes. And you have to agree that he is a TOTAL closet case. Not that there is anything wrong with that. I just thinks he needs to be honest with himself and stop brainwashing/kidnapping young B-list starlets with questionable intellect and even more questionable talent to "promote" their careers. (Except you Nicole--love you and your Australian fabulousness!)

2005-08-11T10:21:00.000-05:00

It all started with a faint, faint line on the HPT, after a period that lasted one day. This prompted me to hop in my little silver car and purchase 3 more pregnancy tests, all with equally confusing results. So, the next afternoon, after speeding back to my favorite big box retailer on my way home from work (as much as you can speed in 5 o'clock traffic in this town) I bought 5 more tests, 2 of them digital, and received remarkably better results, a nice fat "PREGANT" and a clear + sign on the Target brand test. My husband whispered "congratulations" and we kissed. It was all very picture-perfect and romantic.

Two weeks later, after enjoying that blissful, hopeful planning stage of a first pregnancy, I started spotting. And if you know anything about this kind of stuff, you can guess the rest--numerous visits to my OB, quantitative blood tests, a diagnosis of an ectopic pregnancy, many tears and finally a shot of methotrexate into each butt cheek. Lovely.

I had previously decided to pursue a more zen-like existence. I envisioned myself, but sweeter, never talking smack about people (especially my friends and family), always seeing the best in people and situations, and counting my blessings everyday. But F*@# that. I figure this failed pregnancy gets me AT LEAST a couple months of my usual witchy, snarky, and occasionally downright hateful safe. You see, you have to look for the good in every situation.